Something A Little Crazy.

It has been a while. A couple of months I think? Well a lot has happened. My mood swings got worse, then suddenly better after reality hit me like a mac truck. I made a few bad decisions and a rather good one. I have now got a full-time job keeping me occupied. I’m a receptionist at an advertising agency. It’s really such an amazing job with very cool people.

But something last night send me into thinking mood again. An accident that has effected me in more ways then one. I have never really had the wake up call about driving. I have always driven a little too fast and a little too cocky. I was reckless, did silly things and put not only two of my best friends in danger, but also my only love. It has never occurred to me that what I was doing was wrong. It was always “having a little bit of fun”, but never did I stop to think about the consequences of my actions. I constantly say I could never imagine a life without my boyfriend, but that’s just it. I have put his life at risk more times than I care to admit. All because I was unaware of the situations I was causing.

Being a brand new green P plater, the whole of Australia watches me and assumes that I will cut them off, travel faster than the speed limit and act like a hoon. And don’t get me wrong, I have always thought the same. To me, they were idiots. But now I know why. None of them have been affected like the way I just have. To think that someone I knew and talked to, is now gone. No one will be able to talk to him again. He will never tell his sisters or his parents that he loves them. Never get a chance to grow up and enjoy all the experiences that I will. It shakes me to my core.

I’m sorry that it took this long for me to realise. That it took something on this scale to open my eyes. Cars are not just travelling machines, they are death. Death waiting to happen. Many of us escape with our lives, and sometimes everyone else’s. But there are a whole lot of us that don’t escape. We are the ones damaged by it. When you get into a car, stop and think, am I ready to put my life and everyone I loves life at risk? Please just think. Use your minds. No one deserves that phone call or knock at the door.

Rest In Peace William Perrott. You have touched my heart.

A Big Decision.

I have, in the past few minutes, been told about a decision that could ruin me. And I feel selfish.

The person I love most in this world could make a decision that might force me to do something I promised ever to do. But I don't know whether I can handle this. I know I am being selfish and I know it is wrong... But if what was planned goes ahead, I could lose him forever.

So much to think about. Not enough time.

The Change.

Well. It is now 2012. Then end of the best year and worst year of my life has just passed. Many things have happened. Might just list them all...

The HSC


I passed. My ATAR turned out to be 79.95. Something I was rather pleased about. Considering I spent most of my time on the northern beaches. It was different to what I expected though. I thought I would barely pass and it would be the hardest test I ever did, but no. My top subject was of course maths. Then English... Which I was rather surprised on. But I'm glad that that part of my life was over. The HSC side of it anyway, because they happened to be some of the best times of my life.

My Diary


I have started diary. It has been going on for about 6 months now. I have started my second one a couple of months ago (which reminds me I need to update it!). It has helped me a lot. And I am glad I started it when I did. It has captured an amazing part of my life (which will be very hard to forget...)

The Transfer


I have escaped 307 SQN. Moved to 302 SQN... With a lot of help from the other half. It only took me a couple of months to see I wasn't happy any more. Lots of people ask me why I moved. I wish I could say...
"I loved all the people but I had to move because I changed my address..."

But that is not the reason. There were people there I loved very much. Like my brother. But I couldn't stand being somewhere where I couldn't express myself. Show my full potential. I just had to many bad memories to stay. But my first parade night at 302 deemed me worthy enough of a promotion. So now I am repin' the coat of arms. I have my peak cap and wearing it proudly.

WOFFLIGHTARGEPRRLL


About a week into the school holidays straight after I had finished school, I met up with Robbie and the very mysterious Arden. I had only met him previously at the 305 SQN Dining In Night. We treked it to hell. The place was amazing. Basically hung out for the day. From that, we ended up chilling a few more times in the week until our little group formed. Ash is the "ARGE" and the rest are explanatory.

Although our little group is now only a three, since Ash is in Italy, we still chill almost every day. But not for the next couple of weeks since we have promos. Oh dear. I am about to be outranked...

The Manly Game


Oh and finally. Remember that thing I read to much into? Well I was right to. Because all of my instincts were correct. Yesterday was my 3 month anniversary with my better half Arden. It only took a couple of weeks after that first trip to hell to get together. It really started on that Manly game.

It was the Manly Grand Final weekend and we had chilled the day and came back to Rob's house to watch the game. Anyway, the Wednesday after I was treated to a Lion King movie and that was it. I can now say with confidence that I am one of the luckiest girls in the universe. I am a changed woman. Some for the better and some for the worse, but I am happy. And I like it.

General Service Instructor

Tomorrow I leave for course. I am JNCO B Course DI and am proud to be so. I have almost all my things ready. I just need to pack the final things into my suitcase and I will be ready to go. I am rather excited to be teaching the future corporals of 3 Wing. I just have to remember that they are kiddies and not soldiers from Full Metal Jacket. Meh, I will mould the younglings.

The only thing I am not looking forward to is the pain of waiting. It will be hard and I will be terrible, so I just need to think of the end of course. The pride of my cadets passing and the happiness of returning to Sydney to start my adult life.


That has been it.

Promotion Course.

So I have just got back from my two week cadet warrant officer promotion course. Saw all my old seniors friends again which was very cool. Also I saw my other half. Miss Sarah. I love that girl too much.
Well some good news. I passed! Didn't do as well as I was hoping, but I passed and that is all that matters. It was the best use of those two weeks. I honestly don't care about the trials. Study before. I'll be fine. The HSC is not for me anyways.
I know my dad would kill me, but this is not his life. All I want to do is cadets.
Which ironically causes most of my problems.
Before I left for my course I had a bit of a fight with my brother (no, I don't have a brother). But I don't know whether it was actually a fight, more like he decided to troll me, which I was a little pissed about. Meh. I got over it very quickly. I missed him on the course though. Like lots. I often spill to him and when he wasn't there, I felt a bit isolated. But lucky Sarah was there. Ily and shizz.

Hmmm. Also the other situation with the.... hmmm.

Anyway. I had to get over that VERY quickly. Wasn't my place at all.

But I am glad that something else happened from course. Something that I hadn't expected at all. A new friend that was founded through two mutual friends.
But knowing me. I'll read too much into it. Fall. Get slapped out of it. Wake up with a sore chest.

But I can't help it. I just don't want that "forever alone" face plastered on mine.

It's ok. I know I have someone there.

Also only a week or so until trials. I have been studying. But not as much as I would have liked to. I just really lack motivation these days. The only thing keeping me going is cadets. And uni.

I want to go to uni. Even if I do a course a UWS, I just need that social experience. But I want to travel.

There are so many things I want to do.
Visit Smash in SA?
Visit Sarah in the Gong?
Go down to Canberra?
Yes.

But I know the one thing I am looking forward to is the January Promotion Course.

Being a DI would be such an amazing experience. But I need to get to Warrant Officer first.

Hmmmm.

Well that was my rant for the month or so. I might return after trials.

Peace off :)

Rethinking It All...

Something has happened in my life. Lets just say a small catalyst.
I am seriously rethinking my whole life.

The first question I ask myself.

1. Who?

I have never had a best friend. I know I like to say people are, but to me they and I are simply good friends that share a lot in common with me.

Who is that person to go everywhere with me and have those girly moments? I have no one like that. I have never come across that one person that I feel I can tell my life story without judgement or regret.

I feel alone.

Completely.

I want someone I can call in the middle of the night to talk about my life with. But I guess life plays out like that huh?

There is a best friend for everyone. Except me. I guess I deserve it. I haven't really been the most understanding or compassionate person in my life.

That's that. When I find that someone that knows my life story, I'll let you all know. I guess it's my trust issues. We'll see.

2. Why?

Why do I get the short straw? I haven't got the looks, brains or charm to be the kind of person that I know I should be. I just want to be different. Don't get me wrong. I love being me. But being me doesn't help to do what I have always wanted to do....

3. When.

It answers itself.



I just hope that one of these days. That person, whether they be my husband, best friend or simply a traveller, they take me away. I can be myself. Which at the current point in the space time continuum, I can't.

Till next time.

Blurt

I'm sorry but you can't tell me that love is only between a man and a woman. Love is everywhere and it occurs between everyone.

Life's A Show.

Life's a show
And we all play our parts
And when the music starts
We open up our hearts
Its alright
If some things come out wrong
We’ll sing a happy song
And you can't sing along

Where theres life, theres hope
Everydays a gift
Wishes can, come true
Whistle while, you work
So hard, all day

To be like other girls
To fit in, in this glittering world
Don’t give me songs
Don’t give me songs
Give me something to sing about
I need something to sing about

Lifes a song
You don’t get to rehearse
And every single verse
Can make it that much worse
Still my friends don’t know why I ignore
The million things or more
I should be dancing for

All the joy life sends
Family and friends
All the twists and bends
Knowing that it ends
Well that depends

On if they let you go
On if they know enough to know
That when you bowed
You leave the crowed

There was no pain
No fear no doubt
Til they pulled me out
Of heaven
So that’s my refrain
I live in hell
Cause I've been expelled from heaven
I think I was in heaven

So give me something to sing about
Please give me something...




Now this song is just so true to our daily world. I have my part and I play it. Sometimes it a funny role and other times, it's one where I need to cry. But I know that the next role will be more challenging than the last.


Take a tip from Spike.


The pain that you feel
You only can heal by living...